Monday, September 29, 2008

On Death

Khalil Gibran

You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Stairway of Tears

Author Unknown
If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to Heaven
And bring you back again

No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why

Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No on will ever know

But know we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store
Since you’ll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you’ll always stay

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Text Messages from Mum

How to begin? Today is the day that mum passed away. I find that very difficult to write and yet I feel compelled to write something. When I went running yesterday morning, I knew something was wrong. I stopped at a shady stop because I was choking and i couldnt breathe and I knew it wasnt because of the heat.

The call came at 3:45 am and it was my sister who said "mum is no more". I felt like I didnt hear it and perhaps I was dreaming so I asked her again "what" "what was that?" and she said over and over while crying "mum is gone, she is no more". It is ironic that mum said those exact words to Dad when I last spoke to him 2 days ago -- she wrote on his arm while he was sitting on the bed "I am no more".

I had asked God a few days ago to either giver her back to me just as she was a year ago or else take her. The cancer was eating her away and it was time for some fairness. Such a good person cannot deserve this, I thought last week. She had become so frail that she could not lift herself to sit up.

The tumor lodged at the back of her tongue despite all the medicines, radiation and chemotherapy was taking over her body. And inspite of her mental strength, the vitality of other organs, will to live and determination, it was time. I think mum knew she was going and I believe she is in a better place. I think angels came to get her several times but she was not ready until today. When my sister called me last night and talked about mum trying to take off her hospital gown and asking for a "Saree", it was because she was getting ready to go. I know this now because today she is in a pink and gold saree looking very peaceful. She was just trying to tell us it was time.

She is truly and always will be an inspiration.
She dedicated her life to us.
She was a person of great character, unbelievable strength, tireless love and affection.
Her personalty was contagious. Every one loved her.
People flocked to her at gatherings and even for the last 7 months that she was in the hospital, she brought the family closer and closer.
She taught me to be patient and to forgive.
She taught me the importance of being neat and clean and to always look presentable. "wear some jewellery and lipstick" she would say. "you should always look nice".
She taught me to enjoy life and food.
She taught me to be strong and endure.
She taught me the importance of good friends.
She taught me to have faith.
She tought me to be positive, always.

I will miss her text messages. Here are some that I have saved:

"Smallie (my sister is small and i am big so she called us smallie and biggie) said you were worried and confused. Pray for strength. You will be shown the right way"

"Stress is a destroyer. I have told Smallie also -- quality of life, work, and emotions will suffer with stress luv so keep it down" (Sept, 2006)

"Pray for Health first, then Peace, then Happiness luv".

"Dont ever be the underdog, ok? baby; dictate your terms" Dec, 2006

"Get the movers to help you move baby. You must be dog tired. Get rest. Never mind if its late. Take it slowly but get the the move finished. Nite nite and god bless"

"Morning baby, Are you having tea? I am having evening tea" (11/17/2006)

"Baby, we must find peace within us by facing reality, living in the present and seeing positive. Harness positive thoughts; don't let them run away" (1/11/2007)

"Don't underestimate yourself"

"Hi Darling, how are you. Have a good day at work luv." 2/8/2007

"Worry is an insult to the Gods wisdom. Problems arise to humble not tumble you. Purpose of life is to do good and be happy" 3/5/2007

"An hour of exposure to sunlight will do you good" 4/3/2007

"You are my efficient biggie; remember, something great is in store for you" 4/6/2007

"How is your cold and cough. Take care luv" 5/16/2007

"Darling, have a good day. I'm also shopping for milk and veg. June is almost here and God will lead us to a new phase of life for the better (day my divorce was final) " 5/21/2007

"Best of luck and talk with confidence, luv" 8/7/2007
"How was the meeting. Did you steal the show? I'm sure you looked like my big fairy (she called us her fairy princesses)" 8/8/2007

"Bon voyage, have a wonderful trip luv"

God bless her and may she be in peace.