How to begin? Today is the day that mum passed away. I find that very difficult to write and yet I feel compelled to write something. When I went running yesterday morning, I knew something was wrong. I stopped at a shady stop because I was choking and i couldnt breathe and I knew it wasnt because of the heat.
The call came at 3:45 am and it was my sister who said "mum is no more". I felt like I didnt hear it and perhaps I was dreaming so I asked her again "what" "what was that?" and she said over and over while crying "mum is gone, she is no more". It is ironic that mum said those exact words to Dad when I last spoke to him 2 days ago -- she wrote on his arm while he was sitting on the bed "I am no more".
I had asked God a few days ago to either giver her back to me just as she was a year ago or else take her. The cancer was eating her away and it was time for some fairness. Such a good person cannot deserve this, I thought last week. She had become so frail that she could not lift herself to sit up.
The tumor lodged at the back of her tongue despite all the medicines, radiation and chemotherapy was taking over her body. And inspite of her mental strength, the vitality of other organs, will to live and determination, it was time. I think mum knew she was going and I believe she is in a better place. I think angels came to get her several times but she was not ready until today. When my sister called me last night and talked about mum trying to take off her hospital gown and asking for a "Saree", it was because she was getting ready to go. I know this now because today she is in a pink and gold saree looking very peaceful. She was just trying to tell us it was time.
She is truly and always will be an inspiration.
She dedicated her life to us.
She was a person of great character, unbelievable strength, tireless love and affection.
Her personalty was contagious. Every one loved her.
People flocked to her at gatherings and even for the last 7 months that she was in the hospital, she brought the family closer and closer.
She taught me to be patient and to forgive.
She taught me the importance of being neat and clean and to always look presentable. "wear some jewellery and lipstick" she would say. "you should always look nice".
She taught me to enjoy life and food.
She taught me to be strong and endure.
She taught me the importance of good friends.
She taught me to have faith.
She tought me to be positive, always.
I will miss her text messages. Here are some that I have saved:
"Smallie (my sister is small and i am big so she called us smallie and biggie) said you were worried and confused. Pray for strength. You will be shown the right way"
"Stress is a destroyer. I have told Smallie also -- quality of life, work, and emotions will suffer with stress luv so keep it down" (Sept, 2006)
"Pray for Health first, then Peace, then Happiness luv".
"Dont ever be the underdog, ok? baby; dictate your terms" Dec, 2006
"Get the movers to help you move baby. You must be dog tired. Get rest. Never mind if its late. Take it slowly but get the the move finished. Nite nite and god bless"
"Morning baby, Are you having tea? I am having evening tea" (11/17/2006)
"Baby, we must find peace within us by facing reality, living in the present and seeing positive. Harness positive thoughts; don't let them run away" (1/11/2007)
"Don't underestimate yourself"
"Hi Darling, how are you. Have a good day at work luv." 2/8/2007
"Worry is an insult to the Gods wisdom. Problems arise to humble not tumble you. Purpose of life is to do good and be happy" 3/5/2007
"An hour of exposure to sunlight will do you good" 4/3/2007
"You are my efficient biggie; remember, something great is in store for you" 4/6/2007
"How is your cold and cough. Take care luv" 5/16/2007
"Darling, have a good day. I'm also shopping for milk and veg. June is almost here and God will lead us to a new phase of life for the better (day my divorce was final) " 5/21/2007
"Best of luck and talk with confidence, luv" 8/7/2007
"How was the meeting. Did you steal the show? I'm sure you looked like my big fairy (she called us her fairy princesses)" 8/8/2007
"Bon voyage, have a wonderful trip luv"
God bless her and may she be in peace.
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1 month ago
Hi Smits. I just heard. I'm so so sorry. We are all thinking of you and your family in Boston and love you so much. Please let us know if there is anything we can do.
May God give you the strength Smita.
Thanks for sharing her life with us!
Maa hamesha aapki saath hogi, unki aashirwaad aapki saath sadha rahegi !
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